1dering at stars

I think that the writing in this is really good, but I also agree that it needs something more. More conflict or struggle that is harder for the character to ...

I thought that this was simply (well not so simply really) but beautiful. The last two lines were my favorite. Throughout the whole thing you use all these big words ...

I really like the idea of this, but there are a few problems. First off, throughout the entire story, you continue to switch back and forth between present and past ...

First of all, you need to seperate out your stanzas, it will make it flow better as well as be easier for the reader to read. Second "i" is always ...

I love this! Its magical and enchanting, and grasped my attention and imagination fully. My one suggestion is that you leave out all the parts where you actually say that ...

I think this needs a bit of work. I'll start with typos: 1. It always rain in the middle of Mat. Did you mean May? 2. In the beginning of ...

I agree with what was said above; you need to show us more instead of tell us. This will help to make your story more interesting and engaging as well ...

It seems like there are quite a few lines that were just stuck in here for the sake of rhyming. Example: Darkness Darkness brings death Darkness only gives you one ...

This is really great!!! I love the idea, it is fun and captures perfectly the playfulness of a dog. There are a few parts where I think it gets a ...

I think that this is really good except for the format. Maybe try: My heart that yearns to be with one who wishes nothing that of the other ... new ...

This is really good. I'm not sure I understand everything, but I probably would if you wrote more. It's interesting and makes you want to keep reading. Good job on ...

This is good, though some sentences are a little repetitive, they could be condensed into one sentence, and it would be more affective. Altogether, I think its really good. Its ...

I think that this is good... although it certainly is very disturbing, but that's fine if it's what you wanted. The line you underlined is fine. Maybe change, they all ...